I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
