I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
