So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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