am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
