I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
