Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
