I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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