You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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