How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
