I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
