well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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