So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
