12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
