Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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