And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
