She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
