I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
