I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
