Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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