the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
