Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
