My friends, they love my intelligence
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize