smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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