Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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