Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
