Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
