Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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