She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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