Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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