I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
