I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
