At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Randomize
