sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
