I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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