I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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