so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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