how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
