Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize