you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
