physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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