Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
