Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
