Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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