My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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