The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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