You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
