I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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