Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
