She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
