ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
