You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
