I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
