i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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