Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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