Duck Duck Cougar?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
