I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize