I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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