how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
