they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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