Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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