Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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