No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
