Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
