i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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