Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Randomize
