Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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