i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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