I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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