but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
