you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
