He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
