evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
