Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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