like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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