Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need water and some morals
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
