are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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