gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
